The fellowship

You've all heard it before, "it's not about your drinking, it was your thinking".  Today, I so get that statement. 

When I first arrived to AA I was seeking a cure, a way to drink without being a slush/slob/vomiting fool. 

When I finally got serious and realized that I could no longer drink,  I went thru a mourning stage of how much my life would suck (what a pathetic thought, my life totally sucked at that point!) now that I couldn't drink at all.  

And when I had resigned to the fact that I could never drink again I accepted it and all the implications of how powerless I was over alcohol and how unmanageable my life was. 

My sponsor kept talking to me about "tools for living" and at meetings I heard "practice these principles in all your affairs".  In other words I could not just stop drinking but fix other areas of my life.  And believe me, besides the drinking,  I have all kinds of baggage and issues.  It's a cool idea and I want a better life. 

What I wasn't expecting was the friendships that I have made thru this program.  Acquaintances, maybe.  People I could relate to, yes.  But now I have genuine, loving, accepting friends. That's my favorite part of AA.  My new friends - I really love them!

At the end of my drinking stint I was very isolated socially.  Actually the whole 10 years after I got married and moved out of state, I had a problem making new friends.  I never felt like I fit in with the women I'd meet at work or thru my kids' schools.  It was though they already had enough friends and weren't interested in more. It could have been just me but I've never had a problem making friends in the past.

Anyway, one of the many unexpected benefits of AA for me has been the friendships that I've made. And we do things besides go to meetings which is so great because I needed to learn how to go out and have fun without drinking.