Yeahhhhh Saturday was awesome! In the morning I went to a tag sale with one of my friends - I relish simple things like this now because in the past I had every excuse possible to avoid friends and activities that took me away from my drinking. Everything was such an effort.
I had lunch with another friend and his children and he gave me a beautiful necklace that has the serenity prayer on one side of the pendant and the unity symbol on the other.
And then to top it all off, in the evening I went to a recovery center with a friend. It’s a place that is open to everyone on Saturday evenings for dinner followed by a three speaker meeting. It’s a beautiful setting out in the country on rolling acres of land. I can’t imagine a better place for the people staying there to get sober. Sure beats the La Quinta Inn - ha.
Today one of my closest friends celebrates her one year. She calls us the Bobsey Twins (I’m dating myself here) and another close friend celebrates on the 30th. I’m so proud of us and so blessed to have these two women in my life. I’ll see them both tonight at my regular Tuesday night meeting.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
364 Days
Tomorrow is one year!
I never thought I could stay sober so long.
I know we all only have today but I am so excited anyway. I have such a wonderful life now that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
This past year I went thru a divorce, I moved, saw my oldest graduate from high school and sent her off to college. My youngest two have adjusted remarkably to their new school and the fact that their parents are no longer together. And I did all of this sober. Without my old crutch, alcohol.
I might be on the pink cloud they talk about, but I don’t care.
I love, love, love my new life!!!
I never thought I could stay sober so long.
I know we all only have today but I am so excited anyway. I have such a wonderful life now that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
This past year I went thru a divorce, I moved, saw my oldest graduate from high school and sent her off to college. My youngest two have adjusted remarkably to their new school and the fact that their parents are no longer together. And I did all of this sober. Without my old crutch, alcohol.
I might be on the pink cloud they talk about, but I don’t care.
I love, love, love my new life!!!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Speaker Meeting
I went to a speaker meeting on Sunday afternoon that I get to a few times a month. When I walked in the speaker-seeker asked me to share my story because the person scheduled had canceled at the last minute. My first response was, “But I've never done this before and I don’t have anything to say!” Then I told the man who asked that I had to ask my sponsor first since I hadn’t shared my story yet.
I texted and called her but she wasn’t answering and I had to make a decision fast so with the encouragement of my friends I said yes. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I feel intimidated sharing at large meetings how would I ever find enough to say for 20 or 30 minutes talking alone to all these people?
I silently prayed for guidance as I sat in the seat next to the chair and after he introduced me something remarkable happened. A feeling of calmness swept over me and as I looked out at all those friendly faces and I knew I was doing the right thing. The butterflies left my stomach and all the nervousness I had a few minutes prior was gone.
I spoke for 40 minutes. And I thought I didn’t have anything to say lol
I shared most of my story but there are a few things that are still raw and hurting me so I left them out. I shared my mistakes about early recovery and what I do now that helps keep me sober: prayer, meetings, working with my sponsor and working the steps. I know all the tools of the program are equally important but the one that helps me the most is my network of sober friends.
When I was finished I felt a new sense of belonging in the fellowship. And relief. A lot of people came up to me afterwards to thank me for sharing my story and to tell me how they related. I talked to a woman who was at her very first AA meeting and 24 hours sober.
Life is good.
I texted and called her but she wasn’t answering and I had to make a decision fast so with the encouragement of my friends I said yes. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking. I feel intimidated sharing at large meetings how would I ever find enough to say for 20 or 30 minutes talking alone to all these people?
I silently prayed for guidance as I sat in the seat next to the chair and after he introduced me something remarkable happened. A feeling of calmness swept over me and as I looked out at all those friendly faces and I knew I was doing the right thing. The butterflies left my stomach and all the nervousness I had a few minutes prior was gone.
I spoke for 40 minutes. And I thought I didn’t have anything to say lol
I shared most of my story but there are a few things that are still raw and hurting me so I left them out. I shared my mistakes about early recovery and what I do now that helps keep me sober: prayer, meetings, working with my sponsor and working the steps. I know all the tools of the program are equally important but the one that helps me the most is my network of sober friends.
When I was finished I felt a new sense of belonging in the fellowship. And relief. A lot of people came up to me afterwards to thank me for sharing my story and to tell me how they related. I talked to a woman who was at her very first AA meeting and 24 hours sober.
Life is good.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Waiting For The Other Shoe to Drop
I had mentioned this to my sponsor before and I'm not sure what brought up the topic again recently but I told her about my fear of drinking if I ever face a tragedy in my life.
Despite all the past crap I’ve been thru and my whining about it here on my blog, sobriety has not been the struggle for me that it has been for other people. I was lucky that the obsession to drink was lifted from me early. I now recognize that I had my slip in April 2010 because I wasn’t working my program properly (no sponsor, no step work, not much of a network).
I’m not saying it’s been a breeze, because there have been days when I wanted to drink. But for the most part, my life is pretty good. I don’t have the stress of my marriage anymore, I am earning enough money to pay my bills and then some. My kids are happy and healthy and doing well in school. I have friends for the first time in years.
But sometimes I worry how would I handle something bad. What if I lost my job or someone I loved got sick or even worse. Would I retreat back to my old escape? Would I be able to cope with it? My track record shows I have not dealt well with stress in the past and chose to numb myself instead of facing it.
My sponsor brought up a few good points. She told me that I have tools that I didn’t have last year. Oh yeah, the handy dandy tool box. And then she said maybe this is my path in life. Maybe I deserve to be happy and at peace. Maybe God only gives people what they can handle. Would He really do this for me despite all that I have done? It’s an amazing concept.
Despite all the past crap I’ve been thru and my whining about it here on my blog, sobriety has not been the struggle for me that it has been for other people. I was lucky that the obsession to drink was lifted from me early. I now recognize that I had my slip in April 2010 because I wasn’t working my program properly (no sponsor, no step work, not much of a network).
I’m not saying it’s been a breeze, because there have been days when I wanted to drink. But for the most part, my life is pretty good. I don’t have the stress of my marriage anymore, I am earning enough money to pay my bills and then some. My kids are happy and healthy and doing well in school. I have friends for the first time in years.
But sometimes I worry how would I handle something bad. What if I lost my job or someone I loved got sick or even worse. Would I retreat back to my old escape? Would I be able to cope with it? My track record shows I have not dealt well with stress in the past and chose to numb myself instead of facing it.
My sponsor brought up a few good points. She told me that I have tools that I didn’t have last year. Oh yeah, the handy dandy tool box. And then she said maybe this is my path in life. Maybe I deserve to be happy and at peace. Maybe God only gives people what they can handle. Would He really do this for me despite all that I have done? It’s an amazing concept.
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